Understanding the 3 types of boundaries in relationships

Boundaries are a hot topic in relationships and often come up in therapy. They’re key to maintaining our well-being, protecting our energy, and fostering healthy relationships. But not all boundaries are the same. In fact, there are three main types: enmeshed, healthy, and rigid. Each type plays a different role in our lives. Let’s break them down:

1. Enmeshed Boundaries

Enmeshed boundaries are like a fence with no clear lines—more like a tangled mess of vines or an open, broken-down fence that allows everything to bleed into everything else. Enmeshed boundaries happen when personal space gets blurred, and we lose sight of where we end and others begin. This often results in over-involvement in others’ lives and a lack of personal identity.

Example: A parent constantly oversteps into their adult child’s decisions or emotions, not allowing them to grow independently. Or, you may struggle to say "no" to others, feeling responsible for their emotions and neglecting your own needs.

While enmeshed boundaries can come from a place of love or concern, they can create feelings of suffocation, codependency, and burnout.

2. Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are like a well-maintained fence—strong, clear, and flexible.  Healthy boundaries are all about balance. You know where you end and others begin, and you can express your needs while respecting others’ needs. It’s the foundation for healthy, fulfilling relationships. They are all about balance.  

Example: In a friendship, you’re able to say “no” without guilt when you need space, or you can listen to someone’s concerns without taking on their emotions as your own. Healthy boundaries mean you can be close to others, but also honor your personal needs.

Healthy boundaries help you protect your emotional well-being and foster strong, authentic relationships.

3. Rigid Boundaries

Rigid boundaries are like a tall, locked fence that’s impossible to cross. You keep others at a distance and avoid intimacy, often out of fear or the belief that you need to be independent. While rigid boundaries may feel protective, they also create isolation and keep meaningful connections at bay.

Example: You avoid discussing your feelings in a close relationship, or you shut people out when they try to help. You might find it hard to ask for support, believing that you have to do everything on your own.

While rigid boundaries may offer temporary comfort, they can leave you feeling disconnected and alone, as the fence you’ve built becomes a wall.

Why Boundaries Matter

Having healthy boundaries is essential for your emotional well-being, just like a strong, flexible fence. If you tend toward enmeshment or rigidity, therapy can help you understand and shift these patterns. Healthy boundaries empower you to show up as your authentic self, protect your energy, and build stronger connections with others.